Tears of the Kingdom Fans Are Using Penises To Kill Bosses

Since The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom dropped on May 12, fans have been obsessed with the game’s new creation abilities. Thanks to Link’s new skills, particularly Fuse and Ultrahand, players are building absurdities like planes and tanks to commit war crimes in Hyrule Kingdom. But there’s one object folks can’t stop creating: cocks, dicks, shlongs, penises, wangs—you get it.

Read More: Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom Players Are Taking Forever In The Massive Tutorial Area

Critics have called the Breath of the Wild sequel a certified classic, one that makes great use of the Switch’s aging hardware. And with Link’s many new rune abilities that let him combine objects together or rewind an object’s place in the world, folks are letting their imaginations run wild. Like, truly wild.

Hyrule Kingdom can’t escape the dicks

Link gets a whole new suite of rune abilities in TotK that replaces his old BotW ones. So, say goodbye to stuff like Magnesis and Stasis and, instead, say hello to things such as Ascend and Autobuild—two skills that allow Link to slip through solid surfaces and instantly construct previous creations, respectively. Mixed in are Fuse and Ultrahand, abilities that grant Link the power to combine objects together to make anything from giant mechs to pick-up trucks. And while folks are totally building these things, many players are out here just flooding Hyrule Kingdom with dicks. So many dicks, actually.

You’ve got flamethrowing dicks, thick dicks, cars that look like dicks, dick rockets, dicks with boulders for balls—the list goes on and on and on. Hell, Twitter user HKSIcabb even made our Hero of the Wild ride a dick…raft.

Meanwhile, hideyopo crafted some mecha monster on wheels that was watering a patch of Hyrulean grass with its, um, water-sprinkling dick.

What’s going on? Why is it that, just a few days after launch, TotK fans are stuck on dicks? There are a few interesting theories, like a Freudian fear of castration or the notion that everything is a dick-measuring contest. Glamour wrote in 2017 that dick drawings are actually about toxic masculinity—which isn’t all that surprising. Even Kotaku pondered this question in a 2013 blog, speaking to developers and psychologists to answer why dicks are everywhere in games. And while we came to the conclusion that drawing a dick is “pushing boundaries,” there’s another, simpler answer here: dicks are funny.

They’re (mostly) hairy and (sometimes) curved. They come in all different shapes and sizes and, more often than not, function as if they have a mind of their own. They’re weird, serving both comedy and sexuality at the same time. And as Maxim wrote in 2015, dicks are funny because “in spite of what they signify, there is no real place for them in the world, and yet there they are.”

Read More: Tears Of The Kingdom May Include The Zelda Series’ First Gay Character

That’s facts. Because no matter where you look online, from TikTok to Reddit to Twitter, there’s a TotK dick. They’re almost inescapable now. At least Autobuild, Fuse, Ultrahand, and Link’s other abilities can be used for something other than genitalia—though players are using them for torture. I guess our queer-coded Hero of the Wild is actually the War Criminal of the Wild. Whoops.

 

Diablo 4 Players Using 27-Year-Old Trick To Kill The Butcher

An image shows a close up of Diablo's big Butcher demon.

Image: Blizzard

While exploring dungeons in Diablo IV, you might encounter The Butcher, a terrifying and hard-to-kill demon boss who’s been a staple of the series since the original game in 1997. But if you get lucky, you might be able to easily kill this legendary baddie if he gets stuck behind a locked door. I’d feel bad for the guy, but he’s been getting trapped like this for nearly three decades now.

Released in June, Diablo IV is the latest entry in Blizzard’s popular and long-running demon-killin’ action-RPG franchise. The game offers mostly the same classic looting and dungeon-crawling action you’d expect from a Diablo game, with some of the same enemies and classes from past titles returning for this latest entry. Also returning is one of Diablo’s most famous bosses: The Butcher.

This big demon first appeared way back in 1997 and also showed up in Diablo III in 2012. He’s a fan of big cleavers, killing adventures and asking for fresh meat. He’s scary and has been wrecking Diablo IV players when he randomly (and rarely) shows up in a dungeon or basement. However, old-school Diablo players might already know his weakness: doors. And it appears not much has changed in 2023.

Gif: Blizzard / Any_Affect_7134 / Kotaku

As first reported by Icy Veins, a few Diablo IV players on Reddit have shared clips of the deadly boss being easily killed after spawning behind a locked door. In this situation The Butcher can’t attack or do damage to the player, but the player can damage the boss through the locked obstacle. Is this cheating? Maybe. But this bastard is tough, so any advantage feels fair.

Read More: Diablo IV’s Butcher Is Leaving Players Shooketh

What makes this funnier is that back in the first Diablo, The Butcher was known to commonly get stuck on random bits of terrain or even, like in 2023, get trapped behind doors. And just like today, back then players would take advantage of the helpless Butcher and beat the demonic shit out of him until he died and spit out some loot.

As far as I can tell, there doesn’t seem to be a reliable way to force the ol’ Butcher to spawn behind a locked door. But if it happens to you, don’t feel bad as you murder him. You’re just taking part in an old, time-honored Diablo tradition.

Modern Warfare 3 Lets You Kill Opponents With Weed

Activison Blizzard’s Call of Duty: Modern Warfare III multiplayer, out worldwide on November 10, apparently lets you murder people with marijuana. The detail was revealed in the Entertainment Software Rating Board’s decision summary for marking the first-person shooter as “mature,” and it seems like the natural evolution to smoke rings.

“The game includes a finishing move in which marijuana smoke from a bong can be forced into an opponent’s face,” the ESRB plainly states. “Badges/banners and character outfits also depict cannabis and/or smoking figures.”

From this limited description, I’d say MWIII isn’t attempting any commentary on the world’s anxious relationship to drugs, nor trying to suggest that smoking kills (though, as a finishing move, or one of the series’ complicated kill animations, it literally does). The finisher the ESRB details sounds like the Blowin’ Smoke kill from Warzone, in which players flex on their opponents by breathing a smoke cloud into their faces, except this one is less death by way of secondhand smoke and more “RIP to you after that bong rip.” The point is, I think, that smoking looks sick sometimes, especially if you’re a 17-year-old playing CoD.

Other reasons for the ESRB’s “M” rating (a Call of Duty game hasn’t been approved for teens since Call of Duty 3 in 2006) sound like more all-purpose CoD stuff, including “large explosions, screams of pain, and blood-splatter effects.” There are, of course, “terrorists (dressed as police officers and paramedics),” the ESRB writes, “shooting/killing fleeing civilians inside a stadium concourse; airline passengers getting shot on a plane; prisoners shot inside a cell.”

The game’s recently revealed Zombie mode—the beloved, macabre mode’s first time in a Modern Warfare game—also often results “in decapitation and/or dismemberment; large blood-splatter effects accompany these sequences.” The game will also reanimate every original Modern Warfare II multiplayer map, though those are less grounds for the ESRB’s concern.

In any case, you can watch all these mature video game qualities play out when Modern Warfare III releases on consoles and PC in November.

Pre-order Call of Duty: Modern Warfare III: Amazon | Best Buy | GameStop

Update 09/21/2023 at 1:30 p.m. EST: Replaced references to Treyarch with multiplayer developer Sledgehammer Games; removed “open-world” as a descriptor for MWIII.