New Steam Game Is About Winnie The Pooh’s Hole, Literally

How far tubby honey bear Winnie-the-Pooh has fallen. Now that he’s entered the public domain, he can no longer merely stumble through the painless Hundred Acre Wood stuffing his face full of dessert with no pants on. Now, he plays the swollen and bleeding protagonist to the just-announced indie horror game Winnie’s Hole, and he still has no pants on.

The game comes from Australian-based studio Twice Different, which released its first title, the macabre roguelike card crawler Ring of Pain, in 2020. Winnie’s Hole, as an “accessible turn-based roguelite with auto battling elements,” a press release says, takes parts of Ring of Pain’s unorthodox roguelike experiments and applies them to, um, Winnie’s hole.

Despite your worst fears, the hole in question is neither a butthole nor a mouth hole, but something more unnatural—a toothed void in Pooh’s stomach that represents you, the virus contorting the bear’s once sugary body into an immovable series of tumors.

“You are that change beneath the skin,” growls the game’s haunting announcement trailer. “Spread disease, explore expanding piece-by-piece, […] adapt your host, perfect their form” with twitching eyeballs, wriggling extra fingers, and fissures pierced with pointed teeth, spewing purple slime. Cool, so just like Ozempic, then.

“You’re bodybuilding an abomination,” Twice Different’s press release decides, “and with limited energy flowing through your host’s body, you also manage this resource by activating or deactivating parts to best create synergies, or to counter certain opponents.

“As you progress and infect more animals you’ll unlock new content including mutations, upgrades and playable characters, each with a twist on the exploration mechanics for an evolving challenge in this fresh turn-based dungeon crawler format.”

I am genuinely looking forward to playing this. I believe that all that most video game formats need to feel new again is more viral illnesses, and maybe even some pus, too.

Winnie’s Hole will be out for early access later this year, and only on Steam.

 

Starfield Literally Saved A Couple From Dying In Apartment Fire

A ship exploding in Starfield.

Screenshot: Bethesda

We all know that playing video games makes you cooler, stronger, and more attractive, but for Reddit user Tidyckilla, it made him and his wife remain far more alive. Staying up late to binge Starfield is the reason credited for how the couple escaped a deadly fire in their apartment.

As spotted by Eurogamer, u/tidyckilla posted over the weekend to the Starfield subreddit to credit the game for his continued existence.

Starfield literally saved mine and my family’s life on September 1st,” the post begins. After explaining for how long he’d been anticipating playing, the not-dead person continues, “On the night of August 31st I decided to stay up and play as long as possible to experience this new universe. At 2:26 in the morning, while playing the game, I heard an explosion from my downstairs neighbors apartment.”

It seems it was no small explosion, and the resulting fire was in an awful rush. “I paused my game to see what was happen [sic], when I opened the door I saw flames rising up our stairwell to our apartment.”

I immediately got my wife and cat, rushing us to safety with only minor burns. If I hadn’t been up bingeing Starfield I would have been asleep and we would have all died to smoke inhalation.

The post is accompanied by a photograph of the raging fire, thankfully viewed from the other side of the street from the apartment, and frankly looks terrifying. The Redditor also posted some sad pictures of the aftermath of the fire, in response to the inevitable conspiracists claiming the story was made up. This news report suggests tragically one neighbor was killed, while three others were rescued by firefighters, with the cause of the fire under investigation.

It’s further proof that staying up too late playing games is very good for you.

“I want to thank this game from saving my family and me from a horrible fate,” says tidyckilla, before concluding, “PRAISE GODD HOWARD.”